Here are 9 things you can do to make sure it’s safe to open your heart when you’re dating:
1. Don’t accept his bad behavior.
Think about the behaviors that hurt you in past relationships, and write them down. Was your ex passive-aggressive, negative, critical, non-communicative, or cold?
If your current beau is repeating some of the same behaviors, ask him to stop. If he can’t (or won’t), move on. You deserve to be treated beautifully.
2. Pay attention to what he DOES (not what he SAYS).
His actions show that he cares about you, more so than his words.
Does he make time for you and stay connected when he’s not with you? Does he make promises and then follow through?
A boyfriend who’s thoughtful, caring, generous, consistent, and kind will someday be a husband who’s thoughtful, caring, generous, consistent, and kind.
3. Avoid guys with obviously low self-esteem.
If he doesn’t love and value himself, he probably can’t love and value you in a healthy way.
Find someone with high self-esteem. This is so important.
4. Make sure his values regarding family and relationships match yours.
Take a close look at the life he has created. Does he have healthy long-lasting relationships with friends and family? Does he have his finances and responsibilities in order?
Does he have a good relationship with the ex and kids? Make sure his life is running smoothly before you invite him into yours.
5. Make sure he includes you in all aspects of his life.
Over time, he should start to include you in every aspect of his life, without exception. He welcomes you in his home and office. He invites you to spend time with his friends and family. And he’s proud to show you off!
If he’s excited to have you in his life and wants to include you in every aspect of it, he’s a keeper.
6. Be very sure he’s INTO you.
If a man’s into you, he’ll make you a priority. He’ll ask to spend time with you consistently, and he’ll tell you what he likes about you.
You won’t have to wonder how he feels or wait anxiously for his call.
Bottom line — if he’s into you, you’ll know it. And if he’s not, go find someone who is.
7. Wait to have sex (the right one will wait!).
Sex is awesome, and I’m all for it. But when you’re serious about finding “the one”, it’s a good idea to wait. Waiting until you’re in a relationship gives the two of you time to create emotional intimacy first, which is a smart strategy.
If the man you’re dating is genuinely interested in you, he’ll wait until you’re ready. If he’s more concerned about sex and not you, then he doesn’t respect that boundary.
H/T: Michelle Jacoby for YourTango