Is he cheating or is he just going through a rough time? We’ve all heard the “he blames you for cheating” and “his cell phone has a password on it” behaviors of cheating men, but those are the obvious shifts. After interviewing 50 cheating men (and a number of their wives/ex-wives) there are several subtle changes that often take place that women are usually unaware of … until it’s too late.
Here are the top 10 tell-tale signs to watch for in your man.
1. He strays from his predictable everyday behavior.
“My wife knew I was cheating before there was any real evidence. She said should could just tell.”
After spending time with someone for a number of months (or even years), you know their typical behavior. You know how they act in certain situations and when they act differently, you want an explanation—if not cheating, then something else real and tangible.
In this respondent’s case, when he started his affair, he would grab his phone and head into the restroom for 20-30 minutes. His excuse: He was “reading email and the news.” The only problem was, his phone bill showed something very different.
2. He has unpredictable mood swings.
“I was constantly looking for reasons to get away, and it was hard to think of new excuses all the time. So, I’d start a fight with her.”
Being angry in an instant—or being overly nice—is a red flag. There’s no real reason for him to leave, so he has to create one.
New activities that he goes to all the time (but never mentions afterward) is a glaring example. If he was going somewhere and had no reason to hide it, he would most likely talk about it with you.
“I just need time alone.”—while logical, excuses like these are usually without a reason or completely out of the norm for him.
3. He has a rapid change in weight or appearance.
“After I started my affair, I dropped like 10 pounds in about a week. It was crazy.”
Cheating men change physically. Their love handles disappear, their posture changes and their muscle tone/definition returns. It’s the body’s primal means of preparing for courtship—he’s readying himself to attract a mate.
In addition, cheating men start taking much better care of themselves and take a lot of pride in their appearance. He’s suddenly pressing his clothes, coiffing his hair and shaving daily when he didn’t before … especially when leaving the house without you.
4. He has an overnight change in musical taste.
“I’ve never really liked jazz. But I struck up with this woman, we enjoyed it together. I started listening to it all the time, just to think about her.”
There’s nothing wrong with trying new things. But when it’s out of the blue and he excludes you from the change, it’s a warning sign that something is amiss.
5. He remembers things wrong or loses track of the details.
“I was talking to my wife about a movie we saw and laughing about one of the scenes. She wasn’t laughing. I asked, ‘What? Don’t you remember?’ She then informed me that we hadn’t seen it together.”
As he spends more time with both you and his mistress, the memories of his time spent with her and the memories of his time spent with you will start to blur together. Schedules get crossed and he won’t be able to keep track of where he was on any given day. The time he spent with another woman is entirely unaccounted for—often, with no explanation.