I know you have tried making this relationship work. I know you have compromised a lot just to hold it together. I know it’s been some months now that everything has changed and you still can’t imagine this happening: not to you. I know how bad you feel; you wish this would not happen; you wish it could be as beautiful as it was from the start.
I know your friends think you two are having the best of time; hmm, I wish they knew! It never started this way: he was everything you ever wished for in a man, yeah I know: she was the kind of lady mama won’t say no to. Friend, I feel your pain, but I won’t sympathize with you. Too many times we give up on our relationships when there are valid options untouched.
We quickly assume meeting new people is a potent way of discarding the old folks. The point is: getting into a new relationship is a true evidence of you wasting a good part of your life and months with the wrong person. It’s also good you know that it’s more difficult to build a new relationship than saving an existing one if all options are still valid. Most times in a dying relationship, whoever wants to take-a-bow is the same person to save the relationship.
At the point of displeasure, anger or regular misunderstanding, there will always be a million-plus-one reason to leave our partners. But from experience, sensitive decisions should NOT be taken in such moods: they aren’t always the best.
I’m aware that you have made moves to keep that relationship alive yet it looks like you are burning the oceans. Now, it’s time you rest your mind and let’s have a discussion on what you should do.
LOWER THE BAR
Every man or woman in a relationship sure has a standard even before getting into it. It could be the nature of his job or what should be her highest educational certificate or his marital status or even her physical attributes; height, shape, size etc. Maybe you still don’t understand, I’m actually making references to what you want and who you want as a partner.
Despite that, there are some people we grow in love with; those people we never gave a chance but sure make a wonderful partner. In all honesty, you can NOT have all you desire in your partner. If you’ve heard ladies say – I’ve got the best man in the world! Or men say – my wife is awesome! It’s not like the man or woman has no fault, those words are just making imperfect people perfect.
You just can’t have all your desires, there will always be a minus somewhere, and if it’s not a critical part of your relationship: something related to domestic violence and whatnot, you should lower the bar.
Nagging is always the end-point of this. She goes to work just as you do, you came back expecting your food to be hot and ready, but she just started cooking, young man, expect less! He just got his salary and there are 1001 home needs demanding attention, young woman, expect less! Get this clear, any relationship with too many expectations from both partners will get boring.
Maybe, you’re in the kitchen doing the cleaning and cooking and you think he should come over and help with the dishes, but there he is, glued to the TV set . . . LOL. It could be tiring but expect less! In a relationship where expectations are not met, it could be better communicated but NOT emphasized upon, hence, it would be seen as a subject to discuss at every time – now, that’s trouble!
GIVE YOUR PARTNER A SPACE
Yeah, sometimes we need to allow our partners go clubbing with friends. You don’t have to be around him except he insists. Sometimes, allow her hang out with her friends too. Seeing you both hanging around each other all the time sometimes isn’t attraction but being clueless of a better romantic way to get at it. To save a dying relationship, once-a-while, you both could practice ‘married-but-doing-single’ if you trust each other so well.
TRY SOMETHING NEW
Let me be blunt here! A dying relationship sure has a boring routine. It could be a change of vacation spot, eatery, wears, hair-do, weekend plans and lots more. These things come with a good measure of freshness. It might be the same thing you do but a different location, a different way, or you could make a complete change just to try something entirely different.
Be aware that regular things could be boring and if I know that what I’m going to be seeing on your hair; as your hair-do, every weekend is the same style, now that’s boredom! Discuss with your spouse/partner, try out varieties; something not usual and that could be what your relationship needs to survive.
DO THINGS TOGETHER
There are certain things that should NOT be altered and be observed as regular as possible. Like:
- Dinner together
- Bathing together
- Watching a movie together
- In the kitchen together (remember that’s a supposed women’s territory, it’s romantic to see a man there)
- Go in the same car while she drives, and let her drop you off.
In a relationship, there are some mistakes you can’t just explain, hence, the relationship begins to lose value. As important as the above-listed are, they could be easily ignored. No doubt, they are powerful, powerful enough to save any dying relationship. Please reflect on them, make the right adjustment and watch your relationship survive. Watch it grow stronger than the first day you-both met. Hence, you got me to thank later. LOL.