1. Be Honest With Yourself
Before you even begin dealing with being the other woman, you need to be honest with yourself. You are not his girlfriend. You are not the love of his life. Hey may say these things, but the fact of the matter is this: he is still in a dedicated relationship with his partner, and you are the lady on the side. You’re not getting the respect or attention you rightfully deserve, and the both of you are doing yourselves a disservice.
2. Have a Support System
I know, the last thing you want to do when you’re in a secret relationship is tell people about it. But if you’re trying to deal with being the other woman and trying to rid yourself of the relationship, you may definitely need a support system. Talk about with your best friends and family members you trust. They will probably have some excellent advice for you, as well as being there with you when the times get rough.
3. Consider Therapy
This may seem a bit extreme to you, but let’s face it: if you’re a-okay with being the other woman in the relationship, you may have some underlying problems or feelings that need to be resolved. No, you’re not crazy and no, you’re not a terrible person. Remember: therapy doesn’t mean you have something seriously wrong with your brain. All it means is you may have some deep rooted problems that may need some extra help to be resolved.
4. Consider Ending the Relationship
And when I say consider it, I really mean consider it. You need to know your worth. You’re a wonderful human being and you deserve to be treated with respect, not be hidden in a secret affair. Nine times out of ten nothing comes from a secret relationship. You will either spend the rest of your life waiting for this guy to finally end it with his girlfriend/spouse, or he will break up with YOU when he gets tired of sneaking around, or wants someone new to secretly bond with. See what I’m getting at? Don’t spend the rest of your life alone in misery. Find someone who will actually be proud of you and take you on dates without being in secret.
5. Think About Yourself
You’re always being kept a secret. He probably doesn’t take you out in public often, and if he does, the two of you have to go to another town. He can only call you or text you at designated times. And the worst one of all: you are ALWAYS put second to his partner. You think that is not going to hurt you emotionally? Maybe not at first, but after spending years alone while he’s still vacationing and having a blast with his spouse, it’s bound to hurt you. Don’t waste your emotions and feelings to only be hurt in the end. Think about yourself. Think about your future.
6. Think About His Partner
With a relationship like this, the last thing you want to do is think about his partner. But hey- it’s not all about you and him. There’s a third person in the relationship, and they are hurting too. Thinking about this may be exactly what you need to finally call the relationship quits.
7. Do Something for Yourself
Becoming more independent and doing things you enjoy is a great way to ease yourself from a relationship. Try joining a class or finding a new job to take up some of your time. When you’re not learning or working, pamper yourself! Get some massages, get your nails done. Go out with your girl friends and just have FUN. Because remember: laughter is the best medicine. So even when you’re down and out about breaking off a secret relationship with a man/woman you “love”, laughing with your best friends is an easy way to cheer up quickly.
8. Don’t Look Back
When you DO finally end the relationship, don’t second guess yourself. Know you are doing a wonderful thing for you and your life, and don’t ever look back. He will probably continue on with his current relationship and (possibly) find a new lover to keep on the side. But that’s not your problem anymore. The only thing you need to focus on is YOU!
9. Don’t Make a Scene
He did something very wrong and disrespect; you both did. But making a scene about breaking up isn’t going to do either of you any favors. Don’t tell anyone- especially his current partner- about your secret love affair. It’s best to just leave it in the past, and let the two of them work out the kinks in their relationship.
10. Find Someone Single
Just like any other relationship, you don’t want to go running into the arms of another man. Rebounds are just as bad as secret love affairs: they almost NEVER work out. HOWEVER, that doesn’t mean you can’t find a nice single girl or guy to flirt around with. Just take things slow. Have fun with it. Don’t rush into another relationship. Learn to love yourself first, and the rest will fall into place.
No woman should ever have to succumb to being the other woman. Know your worth. Cut ties with this toxic relationship NOW and get back on track. You’ll probably end up finding a wonderful guy or gal that will treat you the way you deserve.