There are ways to tell when your partner is genuine in their affections, and wants to be with you out of love.
Here are 8 signs your partner wants you for love, not lust
Someone who is just out for sex has no interest in taking care of us when we’re not feeling well. On the other hand, a partner who is willing to see you at your snot-nosed worst is in it for the long haul. They’ll love you even when you’re not looking your best, and only care about nursing you back to health. As relationship expert Margaret Paul rightly mentions, “Rather than feeling put upon when your partner needs something from you, you receive joy in being able to give to and support your partner in many ways.”
You’ll be able to tell that your partner cares about you as a whole person and not just for sex when they show genuine interest in your life, your opinions, thoughts and ideas. If there’s something you’re extremely passionate about, your partner should take an interest in it, even if all they do is listen to you ramble on. On the other hand, “If it’s just lust, he will not invest much time in conversations. And usually he will just blatantly ask for sex,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Lianne Avila.
Whether or not this is true, it can seem like it when your partner is really in love. You may find that your partner brings you gifts or sends you flowers, or does something as simple as cooking your favorite meal. Someone who is only interested in sex is probably not invested in making you feel loved and appreciated like this.
In fact, they probably can’t seem to talk about anything else. Someone who is only interested in sex might do this too, but the difference is that they’ll probably only brag about how many times you’ve slept together. When your partner is in love, they’re going to want their friends to know just how much – and all the time.
Maybe your partner really isn’t into sports, or exercise, but they do those activities with you because you like them. They really put in the effort to stay connected with you and to make you feel like your hobbies are worthwhile. So, even if they’re not big on sports, they’ll still be the second loudest person cheering with you in the stands.
Someone who is only interested in sex probably shies away from any talk of commitment. However, you know that your partner is the real deal when commitment doesn’t scare them, not even a little. They’re ready to be committed to you and are proud to do so. They’re not pining after other people or ex-partners. You’re enough for them.
This is a sign of both trust and respect. If your partner isn’t afraid to tell you the truth about everything, then it’s a sign that they’re really with you out of love. They most likely won’t lie to you about big things or little things, and they won’t try to placate you. Someone who is only with you for sex may often use lies to manipulate you – but you’ll never feel manipulated when your partner is all in.
Even if they have a busy day at work or a lot of projects coming up, your partner will always make the time to see you, because you’re just as important as all the other things going on in their life. They’re serious about you when they arranged their schedule to make sure the two of you have time to connect.