The ideal friends with benefits relationship will let you have fun and hook up with someone whenever you’re both in the mood without getting emotionally invested. Though it can be very tricky to navigate the territory between friendship and courtship, if you follow a few basic rules, you can have a no-strings-attached relationship where no one gets hurt. If you want to know how to start one, just be cool and follow these steps.
1. Pick someone who won’t get too attached.
Friends with benefits relationships often end because one person starts falling for the other. So, unless you want to date the person, or you don’t care if the person gets really hurt, you should avoid someone who will get attached. How do you know who will get too attached and who won’t? Well, you can’t figure this out with 100% certainty, but there are a few clues that the person may get too attached:
If you’ve heard this person described as “clingy,” whether it’s by friends or past significant others, then you may have a problem.
If the person doesn’t have a lot of friends, interests, or a lot going on, then he or she may have nothing better to do than to spend a lot of time with you.
If you know that this person has really liked you in the past, then it’s better to avoid it. If you know the person has a harmless crush on you, then that’s perfect.
2. Pick someone you already (like). like, not really really like.
This should be someone who you think is cute and fun to be around — you should like this person just as much as you like spending a day at the beach with your friends. If you’re going to spend a lot of time with that person, then you should feel a baseline of affection — just nothing too serious.
You should have some natural chemistry with this person. That doesn’t mean you want to stay up for hours talking about the meaning of life with him — you just want to rip his shirt off.
3. Flirt with the person.
Start flirting with the person by teasing, playfully touching, or just paying attention to him or her. Let the person know you’re interested and give him or her a few not-so-subtle compliments. You’re not trying to be coy here — you’re looking for a hook-up buddy.